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The reality for most partners I see is that they experience phenomenal shock.” The damage to self-esteem, she continues, isn’t just about the sexualised behaviour, such as visits to prostitutes that partners never knew about.It’s the fact that they’ve lived with someone so long and had no idea.“These guys, and it is mostly guys, are on the whole loving husbands, yet they did this right under your nose, leaving you unable to trust your partner, or even your own judgements,” she explains.No wonder many partners suffer trauma, which can lead to depression, anxiety and panic attacks, rage or utter dissociation.“It could involve sex with a partner, but it may also mean activities such as viewing pornography, masturbation, visiting prostitutes or using sex chat lines,” it explains, claiming that while for most people such habits don’t cause problems, sex addicts are unable to control these urges and actions.

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“The presumption is that the partner knew at some level what was going on and was ‘enabling’ it, which is frankly an insult.

Joy Rosendale, a sex-addiction therapist specialising in partner work, instigated the first one in the UK back in 2005, following her own experiences.

“Although there is usually huge reluctance for partners to seek help, let alone come into a group, because of the privacy and shame, something happens in these groups that liberates these women – and I say women because in my experience, it is usually women who access them,” says Rosendale, who still runs the group at the Marylebone Centre, London.

“The reality of the Western world today means you can find anything you desire easily and anonymously.

Indeed, you can find a whole load of stuff you don’t desire, but get hooked nonetheless,” she says.

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